A bit more on migraines
Just wanted to post a bit more on the heart of the issue with me and my headaches.
The issue is: Are they worth it?
Is a life of hot and cold better than unnoticable sameness?
As I sit here and write, I feel fine. No pain, not much of anything. The room is comfortable, my body is not creaking and groaning, I'm fine.
But...
I'm not feeling that deliciousness that I do when the headaches leave - and I miss it.
If I could take a pill that would completely irradicate all future migraines - and consequently irradicate all future "deliciousness moments" - would I do it?
Absolutely.
And that saddens me a bit. My desire for no pain is greater than my desire for the truly exhiliarating flight of pain. I come face to face with the weakness of the flesh. I, too would be snoozing when my Saviour asks me to stay awake and pray. I, too would be running and denying when the crowd accuses. Am I willing to suffer for Christ? Any suffering I have done is so small as to be almost theoretical versus real. Has it maybe cost me money (lost clients, jobs not taken for questionable compromises, etc.)? Probably, but who knows? Has it cost me relationships? Maybe, but who knows? Has there ever been anything close to life-or-death involved? Not even close.
In America, our vital Christian life dies by degrees of soft, enrapturing comfort. Everything just feels too good to leave it. A little extra work can mean a few extra toys, and a bit more distractions at the end of a long, soft day, and then a nice, soft bed, and then all over again tomorrow, and then...
Where's the crisp, hard focus of a life with meaning? What must I throw away to get there?
There's a great scene in an old Dustin Hoffman movie: The Marathon Man. DH has been tortured to get some information which he doesn't have. The torture is having his front teeth drilled, and the raw, open nerve touched with a live wire. After they are through with him, they give him a bottle of oil that takes away the pain. In the key scene, when he decides to go after the bad guys, and not run away any longer, he throws down the bottle (breaking it) and sucks in a deep breath of air right over the open nerves.
That is life. Clear, hard, crisp, real. No hiding behind the dull anesthesia of distractions.
So, can my migraine pain serve a purpose? Yes.
But.
I have to choose now what to do, when offered the pill.
Posts
2 comments:
Jeanne,
I agree that I am coming at this from - I guess you could call it - a priviledged point of view. I have been fortunate to not have real, serious, chronic health issues (yet), so my observations have not been "tried by fire". And, like I said, I would take the pill, most definately. My wife has some chronic health problems with her vision and neck, and we are constantly looking for aid.
I guess the question that I am asking myself is: How numb would you be willing to be to not hurt? Some people choose a drug-induced stupor instead of dealing with (emotional or physical) pain. Some people wear their pain as a badge of honor, and a suit of armor to shield them from closeness.
I also wonder about the level of suffering that different people go through. It is definately not fair, and has no correlation with virtue or vice.
If this life is all there is, then any suffering is an offense not to be tollerated, and death itself is cheat and a thief. But, if there is more to life than this mortal existance, and if we do ultimatley face eternity, then any suffering here, even a life of suffering here will eventually pale in comparison to our eternal destination. The early christians were persecuted lots - even the Apostle Paul was beheaded - but "considered it all joy", possibly because they saw it as a small price to pay in return for the coming joy.
There is a pretty well known (in evangelical Christian circles) quote by a man named Jim Elliot, who was martyred as a missionary:
"He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."
I think it kind of applies in this area also.
Tracey,
If this is the Tracey from Worship Naked, I am truly honored that you have visited. Hmm, does that mean that if you're not, I feel just so-so about your visit? Whoever you are, thank you for stopping by and taking the time to post a comment. I have another thought on pain that is my next full post. Thanks for the input.
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