I May Have Done A Terrible Thing..

I've gone and done it.

I've started to let my friends know about this blog.
(Hey, Alan, so good to see you here!)

Why is this a potentially bad thing?
Because I started doing this to get things down in pixels what had up to that time only been bouncing around in my head. It has been a chance for me to as honest as I dare (heck, I even admitted my affinity for sardine sandwiches!) without the fear of the strangely puzzled look you get from people when you have said something totally out there. 99% of you out there have no idea who I am. You could probably glean clues, do some sleuthing, and find me, but why bother? I'm just a blogger spouting off. Anonymity facilitates honesty in a situation like this - at least that's what I have used it for.

So now, when people I care for and respect may be reading this, will I start to self-censor?

I hope not.

There's a bigger question here, though. Why am I afraid to be honest with my Christian brothers and sisters?

In part, it is because that is my personal weakness: I struggle mightily with wanting/needing to be liked. I am sure that once people really get to know me, they will not like me. This is my struggle which has roots deep down in my childhood, and will continue plague me as I strive for healing in this area.

The other part, however, is pragmatic. I'm afraid, because it's true. In any church, there are those that use Christianity as a bludgeon, instead of a bandage (we're all wounded, aren't we?). Jesus could have easily said "The Pharisees you will always have with you..."

For example: I was once in a Bible study where, in the midst of a spirited discussion on a matter of theology where I was pointing out how a common Christian cliche' doesn't really make sense, one of the men turned to me and said: "Steve, no one else in the group has a problem with this, why do you?"

SHUDDER!!!

All of a sudden, what I thought was an interesting discussion leading to light being shed upon a troubling issue was turned into a question of my spiritual maturity. The issue wasn't the problem, I was. Be a good Christian like the rest of the men in the room, and shut up.

Do you think I was willing to take a risk of honesty in that group again? (BTW, in discussions with three wise pastors since then, it turns out I was right, and the common Christian cliche' was wrong)

Oh well, here's to worshipping naked (thanks for the allusion, Tracey).

I'll be the one with the bag over his head, trying to look anonymous.